Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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