FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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