the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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