Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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