He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
