he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
