If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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