I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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