Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
