Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
