$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
