Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pants are for mortals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
