u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
