ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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