puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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