I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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