im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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