just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize