I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
