just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
