How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize