He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
