Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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