happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
