I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
