in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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