Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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