I must be too annoying 4 u.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
