If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
