I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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