Where is the hickey?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize