You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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