just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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