This dress was meant to end up on your floor
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
