I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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