Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize