i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
