Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
