Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
