My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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