It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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