I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
