Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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