Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
