Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
