imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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