I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You've changed since you got that strap on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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