Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize