Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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