Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
