She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
