Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
