so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
