dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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