Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
