I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
