if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
