My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
