I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
