I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize