you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
