New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Boobs are out for the taking
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
