My room smells like vodka and shame
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
