hotel room ftw
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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