You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
