I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
