You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
