i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
