i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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